You're Doing It WRONG
by StrikeLightning
Summary: 'A' has decided to hold one of her irregular meetings between characters, inside Paige's brain of course. Will she find a solution to her problem? Or will the characters lose their temper? OC


**So this is for fun.**

**Yes. I fucking have fun.**

**This is basically what happens everytime **

**DISCLAIMER: This required me to borrow some of the characters. I sent Ino to seduce Kishi-sama and keep him occupied during the operation.**

**I fucking love that girl.**

**But she couldn't have sex with him forever, and so I had to give them all back. **

**BTW: This girl is called Paige, but it is NOT a self insert. I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A SELF INSERT. This is a character whom I have named A. She is my Mind's CEO. And she's a bitchy hoe. **

**Ha.**

**She really is a bitch though. Creative name, right?**

* * *

It's a sunny, yet frosty morning in the city of Paige! Her mind is flowing with new ideas, and her CEO personally summoned her Naruto characters to discuss her future with them. Present are the following: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Temari, Shikamaru, Kiba and Hinata. Basically, Paige is going to bitch at them all.

* * *

"Okay is everyone ready?" called A superciliously.

"Yeah," murmured Shikamaru lazily.

"What is this all about anyway?" demanded Naruto angrily, "Did we do something wrong?"

"Of course you did," snapped A, "What did we agree Naruto?"

Naruto scowled and averted his gaze.

"I have to cry more..."

"Exactly," confirmed A, "I can't get in the feels if you don't cry Naruto."

"I cry ALL THE TIME with you, A-senpai!" he complained, "I'm not a pussy! I don't like crying! And stop making me fuck Sasuke!"

"I'm offended," said Sasuke, though obviously in good humour.

A shook her head and slammed her clipboard against the table.

"Absolutely not," she said firmly, "My stories centre around SasuNaru fucking."

"At least make it NaruSasu then," whined Naruto, "Why do I have to be the uke?"

"Because I'm clearly the more masculine and dominant one," smirked Sasuke.

"Yeah right, Pretty Boy," laughed Temari, "You're about as masculine as I am."

"I wanna be with Sakura-chan!" moaned Naruto relentlessly.

"You _are _with Sakura-chan!" A retorted, "In 'Choices', remember?"

"Oh yeah..." contemplated Naruto, "... I don't like that one. Why am I so miserable and Sasukesque?"

"Because Paige loves me," said Sasuke, flicking Naruto on the back of his head.

A sighed and wrapped up her emotions before she hit the little blonde.

"You're all useless," she grumbled, "You're not helping me in the slightest here. Can we get back on track?"

Silence.

"Good," she huffed, "Now Sakura-chan. In regards to Choices, stop thinking about Sasuke. For Oro's sake, it is a NaruSaku fic!"

She blushed.

"But A-chan..."

The blonde girl cut her off.

"And Shikamaru," warned A, "You have to actually be present to appear in the fics."

"I was sleeping," he said simply.

A smirked. "If you continue as you are I'll go ahead and pair Temari up with Choji."

"After all," complied Temari, "Someone has to fuck me."

"Fine," mumbled Shikamaru, "I'll turn up when you ask me to."

Suddenly, the conference room door burst open to reveal a very angry looking Hidan.

"You put Dei in but not me?" he demanded, "Its fucking blasphemy!"

A put her face gently in her palm.

"If you had even a shred of patience Hidan you would have known that I'm writing you your own fic, so shut the fuck up and return to my bed."

Hidan stood there for a moment, before leaving again.

"That was random as fuck."

Slowly, everyone turned to view the speaker.

"Uhm... A?" prompted Sasuke.

"What?" asked A, distracted.

"That was Hinata... You're getting your characters mixed up," said Naruto nervously.

A looked up to see the little purple girl looking shocked at what she had just said.

"Shit," cussed A, "Sorry Hina-chan. I just got a lot on my mind."

Hinata blushed delicately.

"And that's a thing!" continued Naruto, "What about Hinata? Aren't you going to do NaruHina? Everyone loves that pair!"

Hinata blushed all kinds of red and A felt sure that had the girl been standing she would have fainted.

A shrugged.

"Maybe," she mused, "Can't say it's my favourite pairing. I prefer NaruSaku."

"But you like SasuSaku," Kiba pointed out.

A huffed again, "I realise my own dilemmas Kiba, I don't need you to point them out."

"Jeez," snarled Kiba, "No need to bite my head off, I was just saying."  
A's face softened. "I'm sorry, puppy. I didn't mean to shout."

Kiba flashed a smile and returned to eating the biscuits that sat at the centre of the table.

"How come you haven't given Sasuke any advice?" asked Naruto

A let her gaze fall upon the Uchiha and smiled. "Sasuke is a very good actor, Naruto. I'd almost say he wasn't acting at all."

"I am acting," snapped Sasuke, "What the hell do you know?"

"Yeah," joined Naruto, "For the last time, Sasuke and I are NOT in love. We only do it all because you force us. It's practically slavery."

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink," recited Temari smugly, sharing a knowing smirk with A.

"Whatever," sighed Sasuke, "Come on Naruto, let's get out of here."

The pair rose from their seats and stormed out. All was silent for a moment.

"You wrote that in," accused Shikamaru, "Didn't you?"

A giggled.

"They're going to have sex in the toilets on their way out," she laughed.

"Out of the imaginary corporation building that is your mind?" asked Kiba, smiling in amusement.

"With them gone," exhaled A, "I can focus."

"We need more smut," said Sakura suddenly.

"We need Ino," suggested Shikamaru.

"We need more than Ino," said Hinata ominously.

"Ah," gasped A in understanding, "I see... perfect Hinata."

"Who?" asked Temari, confused.

The doors flew open even faster than when Hidan had entered to reveal a girl who literally seeped female hormones.

"You called?"

Shikamaru let out a laugh, "Really? You're going to have Ino work with _her_?"

"Karin," said A smoothly, gesturing for the feisty redhead to sit down, "We need to talk darling."

"Not enough," murmured Shikamaru.

"Huh?" demanded A, "Oh... I see... No. Absolutely not. I swore several times over I would never associate with Jiraiya."

"Why not?" asked Sakura curiously.

"Not since he tricked Paige into watching Boku no Pico and A Serbian Film," insisted A, "Even I have a line I don't cross!"

"I doubt that," accused Shikamaru, "However, I knew you wouldn't want Jiraiya, so I summoned the next best thing."

"Huh?" asked A.

A shadow appeared in the doorway.

"Sorry I'm late; I gave wallet to a homeless man and had to come on foot."

"Kakashi," greeted A, "I guess you're good to come in..."

"Don't worry guys!" cried a voice, "I am here!"

"Who the fuck is this guy?" demanded Karin, "Trust you to invite amateurs Shikamaru."

"I didn't invite him," protested Shikamaru.

"I don't think you get it," butted Sakura, "He's not even in our anime..."

"T-Then," started Hinata, "Who is he?"

A stared fixedly at the excited little man before her, and rose from her seat with frustration.

"Master Roshi, it's about time you fucking got here."

* * *

**For reference: if you don't know who Master Roshi is, think GOKU. Yeah?**

**I don't know why I did this.**

**I was fucking bored.**

**This is a tamed down version of what ****_really_**** goes on in my head.**

**I hope I don't have schizophrenia because... **

**That would be interesting. I wouldn't wish the condition on anyone but it would be pretty fucking interesting to have, I'd say.**

**My mask of sanity is slipping.**

**Fuck.**


End file.
